Juno - "Personalize your cell phone!"

Juno: It all started with a chair...

Rollo: That ain't no Etch A Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.

Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's your's just because you marked it with your urine!

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Juno: They have ads for parents?

Leah: Yeah! Desperately seeking spawn.

Leah: Yo yo yoiggady yo.

Juno: I'm pregnant.

Leah: What? Honest to blog?

Juno: Yeah. It's Bleeker's.

Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?

Juno: This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.

Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?

Mac MacGuff: Did you see that coming when she sat us down here?

Bren MacGuff: Yeah, but I was hoping she was expelled or into hard drugs.

Mac MacGuff: That was my first instinct too. Or a D.W.I. Anything but this.

Mac MacGuff: Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

Vanessa: Hi! I'm Vanessa, you must be Juno, Mr. MacGuff, hi. Vanessa.

Juno: It's, uh, Vanessa right? Is that--

Mac MacGuff: Thanks for having me and my irresponsible daughter over to your house.

Juno: Oh wicked pic in the Pennysaver by the way. Super classy, not like those people with fake woods in the background. Honestly, who do they think they're fooling?

Vanessa: You found us in the Pennysaver?

Mark: Like the city in Alaska.

Juno: No.

Mark: No? Ok ..

Juno: If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would, but I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea-monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.

Vanessa: That's great.

Mark: Keep it in the oven.

Juno: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.

Paulie: Katrina's not my girlfriend alright? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye that's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face.

Mac MacGuff: Are you having boy trouble because I gotta be honest I don't really much approve of you dating in your condition. That's, uh, that's kinda messed up.

Juno: No, Dad, it's not--

Mac MacGuff: I mean that's pretty skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?

Juno: Please stop.

Mac MacGuff: Tore up from the floor up?

Juno: [showing ultrasound photo] It's a baby. It's your baby. It kinda looks like it's waving, you know, like it's saying, "Hey Vanessa, will you be my mom?"

Vanessa: Aww, it kind of does.

Juno: Yeah I came as soon as I got that ultrasound goo off my pelvis. It was crazy actually, my step-mom verbally abused the ultrasound tech and we got escorted off the premises.

Juno: You shoulda gone to China. You know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Mac MacGuff: Hey big-puffy-version-of-Junebug.

Paulie: Like I'd marry you, you'd be the meanest wife ever ok? And I know that you weren't bored that day. Because there was a lot of stuff on tv and The Blair Witch Project was coming on Stars and you were like, "I haven't seen this since it came out and so we should watch it," but oh no we should just make out instead la la la...

Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.

Juno: Nah. I mean I'm already pregnant so what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?

Juno: You're like... the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try.

Paulie: I try really hard actually.

Leah: Woah check out baby big head. That thing is freaky looking.

Juno: Excuse me? I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Paulie: Can we make out now?

Juno: Can't we just like kick this old school. You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?

Mark: Technically that'd be kickin' it Old Testiment. [winks]

Juno: Well, you know, I was thinking I'd just nip it in the bud, before it gets worse, because they were talking about it in health class, how pregnancy, it can often lead to... an infant.

Bren MacGuff: When you move out I'm getting two Weimaraners!

Juno: Woah dream big!

Mac MacGuff: Who is the kid?

Juno: The- the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails allegedly.

Bren MacGuff: Nails, really?

Juno: Yeah!

Juno: Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

Juno: [dog barking] JEEZ Banana! Shut your freakin' gob ok!

Mac MacGuff: Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Rollo: What's the prognosis Fertile Mertle?

Juno: It hasn't seasoned yet.

Juno: That little pink plus sign is so unholy.

Rollo: That ain't no etch a sketch this is one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet.

Juno: Hey Su Chin!

Su Chin: Oh hi Juno. How are you?

Juno: You know, pretty solid! So have you started on that paper for Wart's class yet?

Su Chin: No, I tried to work on ot a little last night but I couldn't concentrate.

Juno: Well I can sell you some of my Aderale. If you want.

Su Chin: No thanks. I'm off pills.

Juno: Thats a wise choiice. Because I like knew this girl who had like this crazy freak out from taking too many behavirol meds at once. And she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale mall and was like, "Blah I am a krackin from the sea!"

Su Chin: I heard that was you.

Juno: Well it was good seeing you Su Chin.

Girl: Here, have a condom. They're boysenberry.

Juno: I'm actually off sex right now, thanks.

Girl: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse. They make his junk smell like pie.

Mac MacGuff: Someday you'll be back here honey... on your terms.

Juno: I've been thinking. I was thinking, I could, like, have this baby and, and give it to someone that, like, totally needs it, you know? Like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple nice lesbos.

Bren MacGuff: Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people suffer!

[on the phone]

Juno: I'm calling to procure a hasty abortion?

Mac MacGuff: Liberty Bell, if you put one more baco in that potato I am gonna kick your little monkey butt!

Bren MacMacGuff: Juno, by any chance did you throw up in my urn? Because there was this funky blue shit in it.

Juno: No, Bren, I would never barf in your earn.

Juno: Wow, your pants are looking especially gold today.

Paulie: My mom uses color-safe bleach.

Juno: Go Carol.

Paulie: I'll tell her.

Bren MacGuff: [to the ultrasound technician] My five-year-old daughter could do that and she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

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